I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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