Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
