In the future we'll all be gay
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
