So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
