What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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