definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
