You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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