dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
