i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
