a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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