This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
