Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize