I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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