franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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