i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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