Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why is your signature on my underwear?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
