We're facebook friends in real life
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
