YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize