Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
