i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
