I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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