Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How's work?
Spinning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
