I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
