Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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