you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
