Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
