I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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