ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
