i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
