so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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