my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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