Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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