i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
