Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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