a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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