It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
