I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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