Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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