Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
