I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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