She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
