Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
