Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize