Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
