What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it's like iHOP with fire
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
