thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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