last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
