we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize