I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
