Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
