I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
