Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize