I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
