I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
