i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
