Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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