somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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