Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
