we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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