Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
