OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
