Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
