I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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