i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
