Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
its liver damage thursday
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
