On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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