I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
