Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wear drunk well.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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