just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
