let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
