I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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