you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
