dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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