I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
