weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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