I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
